Ok, I'll just blog...
Well people, today has just been weird. I can't even write about all of it, but yeah, weird. Now I'm bored. Very. I have a tricker-treat outfit all laid out, but nowhere (yet) to wear it to. I invited a couple friends, but haven't heard back yet, so I'm waiting on that. I've been trying really hard, since I turned my court documents in this morning, to just let it all go for the day. It's an up and down hill battle, depending on how you look at it. There's one thing I have to say, emotionally speaking: this is harder than I've let on. Here comes some complaining, so have a seat kids, and watch me ramble.
Basically, I have to wear different emotional hats all day. One hat is the "everything's going to be just fine, I just have to be strong and get through this" hat. Another is the "OMG. I just lost my whole family, over something incredibly inane and stupid. This is just so wrong hat." That's the one I keep changing in and out of, it changes colors, and sometimes it's a bit transparent, but at others, more opaque. Another hat I've been trying on is a new one. The "I have to be sure and cover my basis, and my butt" hat. That sounds like work, and it is, but it's also emotional. All of my emotions are tied into that. Finally, there's the most recent new one, the "I have to stay calm, focused, and collected, while my parents treat me like crap in court" hat. Erik's going to help me learn to wear that one better tomorrow. Sometimes, I wear all of these practically at once. I wind up looking like I have Marge Simpson's hair somewhere under there...
I am just barely fitting into the oldest of these hats, the "I'm technically homeless and jobless and have bills coming in" hat. It's more of a toupe', I guess. I always have it on, but it looks pretty funny, moving around under all those other hats, almost like a racoon, sneaking around in there looking for more stuff to mess around with.
I don't miss my parents. God no. Especially not now that I've seen their "hand." But I miss my bedroom. My bed. My "liter" of sorts that I have over it. My Spiritual Wedding/Baptismal dress. I miss Jeff. I'm so thankful for that hug we had the morning after the vacuum cleaner incident. I love him.
It's weird. The one night I have a chance to get some extra sleep and rest my bones, I want to dress up, go out, laugh it up and get candy. I want to do something silly/crazy, something to distract me. I miss the corn maze. That was a real hoot! Wish I knew what was up with the speech Erik gave or is giving. That would be fun to go to too.
I think I'll do some laundry and go to bed early or something. I could probably use it anyway.
Basically, I have to wear different emotional hats all day. One hat is the "everything's going to be just fine, I just have to be strong and get through this" hat. Another is the "OMG. I just lost my whole family, over something incredibly inane and stupid. This is just so wrong hat." That's the one I keep changing in and out of, it changes colors, and sometimes it's a bit transparent, but at others, more opaque. Another hat I've been trying on is a new one. The "I have to be sure and cover my basis, and my butt" hat. That sounds like work, and it is, but it's also emotional. All of my emotions are tied into that. Finally, there's the most recent new one, the "I have to stay calm, focused, and collected, while my parents treat me like crap in court" hat. Erik's going to help me learn to wear that one better tomorrow. Sometimes, I wear all of these practically at once. I wind up looking like I have Marge Simpson's hair somewhere under there...
I am just barely fitting into the oldest of these hats, the "I'm technically homeless and jobless and have bills coming in" hat. It's more of a toupe', I guess. I always have it on, but it looks pretty funny, moving around under all those other hats, almost like a racoon, sneaking around in there looking for more stuff to mess around with.
I don't miss my parents. God no. Especially not now that I've seen their "hand." But I miss my bedroom. My bed. My "liter" of sorts that I have over it. My Spiritual Wedding/Baptismal dress. I miss Jeff. I'm so thankful for that hug we had the morning after the vacuum cleaner incident. I love him.
It's weird. The one night I have a chance to get some extra sleep and rest my bones, I want to dress up, go out, laugh it up and get candy. I want to do something silly/crazy, something to distract me. I miss the corn maze. That was a real hoot! Wish I knew what was up with the speech Erik gave or is giving. That would be fun to go to too.
I think I'll do some laundry and go to bed early or something. I could probably use it anyway.
posted by Caroline Talita Ishshah | 8:36 PM
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